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Rest in peace, Bonid. [caption id="attachment_1127" align="alignleft" width="432" caption="Rest in peace, Nid. "][/caption] This afternoon, I finally paid for the flu vaccines the family and Anne will have. But with a heavy...

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Not-so-Fair-Use of our family photo I first posted the above photo in my then Wordpress-hosted blogsite before I migrated to this self-hosted site. I posted this photo taken by our friends because I found this and the others too nice not...

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Please allow me to continue where I left off in yesterday's post. This time though, it will just be a narrative report  (heheh) of what happened after my dearest hubby surprised me and made me cry a river...

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Seven years into our marriage, eight years of togetherness, really, if you will count the one year we were a couple, or even fifteen years if we will consider the time we were introduced to each other,...

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What is more fun in the Philippines? At dahil uso na rin lang naman ang gumawa ng mga kung anik-anik tungkol sa hashtag na ItsMoreFunInThePhilippines, I made some myself. Dami pa kong gustong gawin pero ito lang muna:     ...

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Ika-labing tatlo

29

Category : family, musings

Lulan ng service van na magdadala sa amin pauwi ni Bong kagabi, naisipan kong buksan ang aking Facebook account gamit ang aking telepono. Ganun lang naman ang ginagawa ko para malaman kahit papaano ang nangyayari sa labas ng mundong nagkukulong sa akin sa mahigit na walong oras araw-araw mula Lunes hanggang Biyernes.

Tiningnan ko ang mga status updates ng mga kaibigan sa FB hanggang makita ko ang status update ng kapatid kong si Anne. Sinabi lang niya, “I miss you Lon, I really really miss my kuya Big Frown

 

Yun lang, hindi ko na napigilang tumulo ang luha ko. At hindi lang kaunting luha, talagang naiyak na ako. Magla-labing-tatlong taon na, Lon, nung umalis ka. Kung bakit hanggang ngayon kapag mababanggit ka o magsusulat ako tungkol sayo, hindi ko mapigilang umiyak pa rin. Sa tinagal tagal nang pagkakaiwan mo sa amin, kung bakit gustuhin ko mang hindi na malungkot, ganun pa rin, parang kahapon lang nung nangyari yun. parang nung isang gabi lang nandun ka pa sa kwarto naming mga babae. Parang nung isang araw lang, nilalaro mo pa ang isang taong gulang na si Kara. Parang nung makalawa lang, sumasakay ka ng bus para pumasok na sa paaralan bilang first year college student ng La Salle. Parang kelan lang yun, hindi tulad ng katotohanang labing-tatlong taon na pala mula nang mangyari iyon.

Sa Sabado, August 20, bibisitahin ka muli namin sa iyong kinahihimlayan. Hindi ko alam kung makikita mo kami, panonoorin kung paano ka namin ipagdasal, kung paano kaming magsasalu-salo matapos magdasal, at kung paano magkakagulo ang mga maliliit mong mga pamangkin habang kami namang mga matatanda ay nagkukuwentuhan. Sabi nga ni Anne bilang sagot sa mga nagkomento sa status update niyang iyon, ang daya lang kasi e Big Frown pagka bigay ng medal umalis na FrownPati tuloy ako nagtatampo na. Pano kasi, feeling ko, nagpakita ka sa kanya sa panaginip, samantalang sa akin, hindi. May favoritism ka ‘no? Pero siguro, yun ang paraan mo nang pagsasabing nandiyan ka pa rin at hindi magpapalimot.

Wag kang mag-alala, kahit siguro ilang taon ang magdaan, hinding hindi ka namin malilimot. Pero kasabay ng hindi paglimot, ay ang patuloy na pagkalungkot kapag nasasagi ka sa aking isip.

 

Sisinghot singhot ako. Madilim sa van habang nakatutok pa rin ang tingin ko sa cellphone na kaharap ko. Naramdaman ni Bong na sinisipon ako. Tinanong niya ako kung bakit, sinumpong raw ba ako ng allergy? Sabi ko, oo, sabay hilig ng ulo ko sa balikat niya. Binigyan niya ako ng tissue para sana maagapan ko yung sipon ko. Pero ang di niya alam, pinahid ko muna ang luha ko na parang ayaw tumigil sa pagpatak.

Oo nga, sana nga, allergy na lang iyon. Mas madali sanang gamutin, di tulad ng kirot sa puso ko habang isinusulat ko ito.

 

Twelve Years

62

Category : family, life outside work, musings

What I’ve felt
What I’ve known
Never shone through in what I’ve shown
Never be
Never see
Won’t see what might have been
What I’ve felt
What I’ve known
Never shone through in what I’ve shown
Never free
Never me
So I dub thee UNFORGIVEN

Pauwi ako kagabi, sakay sa service na magdadala sa akin hanggang sa town plaza ng Sta. Rosa kung saan ako sasakay ng isa pang tricycle para naman makarating sa aming tahanan, at habang naghihintay ng mga pasahero upang mapuno ang service, napansin ko na CD music ang pinatutugtog sa sasakyan.

Kanta ng Metallica ang nakasalang, Unforgiven. Napakanta ako. Isa ito sa mga paborito ko nung ako ay high school pa lamang. Naisip ko, halos alam ko pa rin ang lyrics ng kanta.

Bigla rin akong napaisip. Ika-20 na pala ng Agosto kinabukasan. Ngayon yun. At naalala kong labindalawang taon na ang nakararaan nang iwan mo kami.

Umaga noon, kumakatok ako sa pinto ng kuwarto mo, upang gisingin ka dahil papasok ka noon sa kolehiyo. Ihahatid tayo ni Papa sa Makati kung saan ako nagtatrabaho, at dun ka din naman bababa. Hihintayin kong makasakay ka ng bus na magdadala sa iyo sa Taft bago ako tuluyang pumasok ng building namin para simulan ang isang maghapong pagtatrabaho. Hindi ako makapasok sa loob hanggang di ko nasisiguradong nakaalis ka na lulan ng bus.

Pero nung araw na iyon, wala akong narinig na sagot mula sa iyo. Pinihit ko ang seradura ng pinto pero walang nangyari, hindi ko mabuksan. Kumatok ako ng malakas, pero wala. Umikot ako sa labas ng bahay sa tapat ng kwarto mo, pero pati ang iyong bintana ay nakalapat. Tumawag ko pero walang sagot. Iba na ang pakiramdam ko.

Bumalik ako sa loob ng bahay at kinuha ang susi. Nabuksan ko naman ang pinto, pero hindi ko maitulak paloob dahil may nakaharang. Iba na nga ata ito. Natatakot na ako, kinakabahan. Ano bang nangyari sayo?

Pinagtulungan naming buksan ang pinto mo, at sa wakas ay nabuksan na. Pero kakaiba ang pakiramdam ko. Nakita ka naming nakalugmok sa sahig ng kwarto mo, wala nang buhay. Dinala ka sa ospital, pero wala na, matagal mo na siguro kaming iniwan, kasabay ng pagtigil ng orasang nakahimpil sa dingding ng kwarto mo.

Sometimes I feel like I don’t have a partner
Sometimes I feel like my only friend
Is the city I live in, the city of angels
Lonely as I am, together we cry

Walang nagawa ang lahat ng luha namin dahil iniwan mo kaming nagtatanong. Ni hindi namin alam kung matagal ka nang malungkot at naisipan mo na lang na wala rin kaming maitutulong sayo kaya mabuti pang iwan mo na lang kami.

Hanggang ngayon tinatanong ko pa rin sa sarili ko kung ano nga bang nangyari. Hindi pa rin malinaw ang lahat. Nung isang araw lang napagusapan ka namin ni Mommy. Ang tanging nasambit niya, siguro, talagang hanggang ganun na lang ang buhay mo. pero nasabi din niya, ano kaya kung buhay ka pa? siguro may asawa’t mga anak ka na, at lalong mas magulo pero mas Masaya pag nagkasama-sama tayo.

Pero kahit anong gawin o isipin ko, wala na rin namang mangyayari. Kasi wala ka na. Pero alam mo, kung may isang pagkakataon akong babalikan, yun ang gabi bago ka mawala. Baka sakali kung nayakap kita o nakakwentuhan nung gabing yun, tulad ng ginagawa mong pag-raid sa kwarto namin pag nagkukuwentuhan kaming mga babae, baka sakali…baka sakali…kasa-kasama ka pa rin namin hanggang ngayon.

With the lights out, it’s less dangerous
Here we are now, entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now, entertain us

Pauwi ako kagabi, sakay sa service na magdadala sa akin hanggang sa town plaza ng Sta. Rosa kung saan ako sasakay ng isa pang tricycle para naman makarating sa aming tahanan, at habang naghihintay ng mga pasahero upang mapuno ang service, napansin ko na CD music ang pinatutugtog sa sasakyan. Ang mga kantang tinugtog, puro alternative songs. Mga awiting pinakikinggan ko noon, na pinakikinggan mo rin. Metallica, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Nirvana…mga awiting minsan nagustuhan nating pareho.

Pero noon yun. ngayon kapag naririnig ko sila, hindi ko maiwasang malungkot at maalala ka.

Sana’y Masaya ka kung nasaan ka man ngayon. May you rest in peace, Lon. At sana’y alam mong mahal na mahal kita.

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25 Random things about me

Category : family, musings

(This is something I posted in my Facebook account. And as I was browsing through my notes/blog posts there, I thought this is something I would have to post here. So here goes. You may make your own in your blog sites, too. Just let me know so I could read through them, too.)

1. I never really cooked at home before I got married, but now, I do, and Bong and Kara love whatever I cook, and that’s what’s most important to me.

2. I love kissing and cuddling, so whatever chance I get to kiss and cuddle my children, I grab it. And yes, I LOVE doing this too with Bong.

3. I cry a lot—in the movies, even at home watching an episode of MMK, when there’s a misunderstanding between me and the people I love, when I share and hear sad stories, the first time I saw my babies after giving birth to them—the list goes on.

4. I once dreamed of becoming a lawyer after finishing my Journalism course. Then I had Kara. But you know, I would never trade Kara for any dream in this world. I love my daughter (and the two little ones) to pieces!

5. If I argue with you in English, then that means I am really really mad.

6. I feel I am always put in situations where I need to fight for my rights or my loved ones’, for that matter, that’s why I almost always come off too strong/mataray. But then, I was never a pushover, either.

7. I had difficult pregnancies because we discovered I had APAS (Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome), an autoimmune condition which makes my body reject the developing baby. To save the baby, I had heparin injections twice a day which would leave purple bruises on my belly. Which reminds me…

8. I don’t drink coffee that much anymore. Ever since I got pregnant twice in a row, I have somehow gotten coffee out of my system, and even the usual 3-in-1 could give me heart palpitations now. (funny though, fraps work well for me)

9. The only regret I had marrying Bong was that we didn’t have a wedding singer as good as him. sad.

10. Surprisingly, I liked the Sex and the City Movie. I can’t wait for the next one.

11. I once sang the part of Asaka in our college production of “Once on this Island .” And I would also sometimes pitch in for an orgmate who played the part of Ti Moune whenever she’d get hoarse from singing.

12. I used to commute from Sta. Rosa to UP Diliman and back during College. My parents didn’t consider having me live in a dorm or a boarding house.

13. I once wrote a balagtasan piece for our annual celebration of the priests’ day in High School.

14. I passed the first exam given to wannabes of PSHS, but wasn’t able to take the second exam because the schoolmate tasked to give me the letter informing me I passed the exam failed to do so.

15. I turned down Bong not once, but thrice. And just when he was no longer interested in me, that was the time I discovered I had feelings for him. The rest, as they say, is history. Smile

16. I once auditioned for UPSA (UP Singing Ambassadors) only to prove to an ex that I could get in and sing with the group. And when the novelty of it all wore out, I started losing interest, too. It was also hard to keep up especially when you have to go home to Laguna after rehearsals at around 10-11pm. (but I was able to perform with the group a few times, so to me, that was already enough)

17. What first attracted me to my company was the piped-in music they were playing during my entrance exams—classical music, would you believe!

18. I took over the responsibility of enrolling myself and my siblings to school (including my cousins pa pala) when I was only in grade five. Since my mom has work, she trusted me with the enrollment money. That taught me to be more independent.

19. I was able to watch two Oblation runs in UP. I realized after the second time that once you’ve seen it, you’ve seen all.

20. I used to be good in math. Really. Unfortunately, years without practice really make one forget the whole thing. Fortunately for me, Kara very seldom needs help with Math.

21. After giving birth to Kara while inside the recovery room, I was in such high spirits that I couldn’t care less if everywhere, other women were either throwing up or plain knocked out after giving birth themselves. I just remember being impatient, and to while away the time, I was singing “Build me Up Buttercup.”

22. I am allergic to all kinds of pain killers except celebrex, and anything containing aspirin.

23. I always tell my friends who are still single to look for a man who shares the same faith as theirs. Worshiping together is very important to me. And I am very lucky Bong and I share the same beliefs and practices when it comes to our faith.

24. Kara used to tell me I make harder (review) exams than her teachers’ actual exams.

25. If there is one person I would want to be with again, that would be my deceased brother, Lon. I miss him and I would want to tell him face to face that I love him so much.

There you go. Your turn.

Gi Joe The Rise of Cobra: an Ode to Lon

1

Category : family, life outside work

After Kara’s confirmation this afternoon, we proceeded to SM to eat since we were not able to eat lunch as we had to be in the church at 12:30 for the registration because Kara didn’t want a long line ahead of her. Good thing we were there quite early because there were already a lot of people, and with the kids bringing each a parent and/or a sponsor, the church was filled to the max in no time.

While in SM, we decided to finally watch GI Joe. We didn’t watch it earlier knowing the long lines would just greet us, so thank you very much, but we could wait. And this early evening, we did watch it, Kara, Bong and I.

Needless to say, I enjoyed the movie so much (well, except for the fact that again, it was laced with a sappy love story, but hey, that’s inevitable in every movie, I guess.) It helped that I didn’t know anything about the stories behind each of the GI Joe characters, so unlike watching the harry potter films where each memorable scene that is not included in the film adaptations would usually disappoint me. but yeah, GI Joe delivered in that it had a lot of good action scenes, and the story pretty much entertained me.

But what made it special was the realization that if my brother Lon were there, I knew he would immensely enjoy it. and while watching it, I was immediately transported to that distant time when he was still a kid. You see, when he was still a boy of about 6 or 7, he used to enjoy GI Joe action figures so much. Whenever my mom would go to Divisoria, she would always, always bring one or two, even three GI Joe toys for my brother Lon to play with. He had a collection, and I would often witness him playing with these by himself. I also remembered the joy in his eyes when he would first set eyes on his new GI Joe action figure, and I knew, that he would sleep at night, clutching those toys to his chest.

These are all memories of a happy childhood, which I would bring back, if only I could, because eleven years ago on August 20, my brother Lon left us.

I still get sad whenever I remember him because naturally, I miss him so much. There are a thousand things I would want him to know, but which I could only say to him whenever I pray and wish him eternal repose. Wherever you are, Lon, that movie was for you, and I watched it believing I was seeing it in your eyes.

Then again, my sadness is lessened whenever I look at my little boy who has an uncanny resemblance to his Tito Lon. I just hope he also gets his wonderful ability in Arts and especially Math and English from him. But for now, I am content watching him clutching his toy cars to his chest as he sleeps, much like Lon did with his GI Joes when he was still a kid.

To you, Lon, remember always that Ate Kaye loves you so much and prays you are happy where you are. May you rest in peace…

P.S. Incidentally, GI Joe showed in cinemas here in the Philippines on August 7, which is my brother Lon’s birthday.

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© 2005-2012 Keekaye's sketches All Rights Reserved Copy Protected by Chetans WP-Copyprotect.

© 2005-2012 Keekaye's sketches All Rights Reserved Copy Protected by Chetans WP-Copyprotect.