I never liked Kris Aquino. But I never disliked her either. I feel indifferent where she’s concerned… until recently.

You see, I have this 14-year-old niece who, only God knows why, is a die-hard Kris Aquino fan. Case in point, her name starts with a “G”, but she wears a necklace with a “K” pendant. Also, she tells her friends that she’s really an adopted child and that her real Mother is former president Cory Aquino. Crazy kid.

And of course, like any other fan, she buys stuff Kris endorses—bags, fragrances, jewelry… everything! So, when the family (meaning my brothers, my sisters – the whole immediate clan) learned of this “cute” idiosyncrasy, we were supportive. Kunsintidor, even.

My sister-in-law, who used to play bit parts in movies, (she’s really pretty, by the way), arranged for us to get seats at the taping of Kris’ show, Game Ka Na Ba? Needless to say, my niece was thrilled.

So, yesterday, a Wednesday, taping for the Game Ka Na Ba? celebrity edition episode, my niece and I, together with her sister and some of my friends, went to ABS CBN to watch the absurdly (in)famous Kris Aquino.

Anyhow, I was happy to see my nieces really excited; especially since the younger one just got out of the hospital because of Dengue, plus the fact that I rarely see them since they stay in the province. They were chatting away endlessly in the cab on way to the studio about how they would embrace Kris when they see her; that they’re sure she smells nice; that their friends back in Nueva Ecija would just die with envy when they see the pictures; that James Yap is the luckiest guy ever; that Josh must be spoiled with Kris’ love; that she’s just perfect; and so on.

They both looked really pretty, too – new clothes, neat hair, clean nails, and with “just the right jewelry”. They said they didn’t want Kris to think they’re from a “bad family.” They wanted to impress her.

We were at the audience entrance by 4pm, and were fetched right away by one of the ABS CBN people (VIP, diba?). Unfortunately, kids weren’t allowed to sit with the audience so my nieces were given “special” seats near Kris’ dressing room, where they got a better view of the show that was taking place.

Me? I was clapping with the audience in step with the Game Ka Na Ba? theme. Itchyworms was guest band so it wasn’t that bad.

And so after being subjected to clapping till my hands hurt, I was advised that I could then take a picture of my nieces with Kris. It was 7.30pm. Despite the long wait, my nieces were really excited and they were smiling from ear to ear.

I could see that Kris, for some reason, was not thrilled at all with the picture-taking thing. I was hoping though that she would pretend delight for my nieces’ sake—after all they’re kids who adore her!

But as I was about to take the picture, she said: “That’s not a nice angle, pa-vertical mas maganda.” I adjusted my camera, but realized they were standing against the light. So I shifted to the original horizontal angle.

“Vertical sabi, eh!” She said, in her shrilly, irritating voice. I bit my lip and shut my mouth because I wanted to the take the picture for my niece. So I angled the camera vertically as she said, but placed the camera lower, angling it in a way that the light behind her head won’t be captured.

“Not like that,” she shouted. “Up. Move it up! UP!!!” Motioning for me to move the camera up, so the picture would be taken top-view. Then she actually grabbed my arm and pushed upward!

The nerve of that woman to treat me like that!!! I wanted to slap her and say: “What the fuck for? You look like the same slut whatever angle it may be!”

Instead I said, levelly, “You’re against the light, Kris, I can’t take the shot that way.”

“Eh, may flash naman yan diba?” she retorted in her shrilly, nasal, voice.

I wanted to spit on her overly made-up face right there and then! For someone who pretends she’s smart, that was a really stupid remark! With dripping sarcasm, I said. “Exactly, over-exposed yan. Move a little please.”

She did so but impatiently and crossly, almost knocking my niece over. I took the picture and she smiled right on cue, then she fled. My younger niece, who I thought was oblivious to the tension, didn’t pose with her sister and shouted, almost tearfully, “ANG SUNGIT MO NAMAN, KRIS!”

My heart almost broke. I wanted to kill Kris.

Then I looked at my other niece, the one who swore would change her family name to Aquino one day, and saw that her eyes were downcast. She looked like she was trying really hard not to cry. Then she said quietly, “Ang pangit pala ng ugali nun.”

I checked the digital picture that I took—Kris’ smile was flawless, without a trace of the monstrosity she just displayed. And kid beside her, my niece, looked like she just realized that she was having her picture taken with a two-faced monster.

“Baka she’s tired lang, Gelline,” I told my niece.

“Kahit na! Kame nga galing pa ng Nueva Ecija tapos di pa kame dinner, naghintay kame para lang sa picture, tapos binastos ka pa niya! SALBAHE SIYA!” she replied, clearly bitter and sulking.

You know what’s the worst thing about this whole scene? It’s the fact that I’m sure Kris doesn’t know and couldn’t care any less that she just hurt two loving kids who did nothing wrong except chose her as their “idol”.

And it’s inexplicable how Kris can get away with her unacceptable manner: she’s tactless, she’s an advocate of gossip and scandal, and she’s an epitome of a woman with loose morals.

Kris makes me sick.

Clearly, this proves the legends wrong, monsters don’t lurk inside the closet—they’re on TV.